Sunday, December 19, 2010
Five Languages of Love
11:30 AM
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| Yes, this is an image from Amazon. Oh well. |
I have always been fascinated by Gary Chapman's work. Ok. Not always. But ever since I heard about it.
The 'catch phrase' for this particular book goes like this: "The relationship-enhancing phenomenon that started it all! In the full-length edition of his best selling book, Dr. Gary Chapman uses real-life examples from over thirty years of marriage counseling to illustrate the five distinct languages people use to express love."
You have my permission to be impressed. (insert 'oohs' and 'ahhs' here)
But really though, this is very fascinating and I think that it has helped me learn a lot about myself and how I act and react in relationships. And I have a point with all of this that I will get to in a minute. Dr. Chapman says there are five languages of love. Usually we grow up speaking what our parents and siblings speak (duh), but if we are trying to speak English and our partner only knows Chinese...? Well, according to Dr. Chapman, then it doesn't matter how sincere we are, we have to find a way to communicate. And I agree.
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective.
Love Language #2: Quality Time
By 'quality time', I mean giving someone your undivided attention. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity...togetherness has to do with focused attention. Many of us are trained to analyze problems and creat solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts, but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.
Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. Such things as vacuuming, cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, removing the white spots from the mirror, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, and changing the water in the goldfish bowl are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. The touch of love may take many forms. Since touch receptors are located throughout the body, lovingly touching your spouse almost anywhere can be an expression of love. Love touches may be explicit and demand your full attention, on the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder or holding his hand. If your spouse's primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries.What I'm saying is: MY LOVE LANGUAGES SUCK!!!
They are the hardest ones to portray because of well, time and needing to be in proximity to each other. If that doesn't happen for me, my brain starts to get down on itself and try to convince me I'm not loved.
Lame.
It's simply not fair.
Now, I'm not saying that the others ones can't cause complications, too. I'm just saying that from my point of view: Physical Touch and Quality Time means being with the person you love. And that can't happen 100% of the time. Unfortunately for us all.
Anyway. The short of it - I encourage anyone interested to get this book. Read it. Learn about your Love Language and the one of your partner (real or imagined). Take the tests provided in the back of the book that tell you your Love Language. You might learn something about yourself. I did. And who knows? Maybe you and your partner (real or imagined) are exactly the same. Maybe you're opposites, but have been communicating effectively. Or maybe this can help you communicate more effectively and draw closer to each other. Or communicate more effectively when you find your partner. Mmm. We all love that, right? (Drawing closer to your partner, I mean.)
Good luck in love, my readers. I wish you many fantastic adventures.(And some good communicating, too.)
Signing out.
Me.
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About Me
- Nashelle
- I am a wife, sister, daughter, friend. Dancer, actor, singer, pianist. Reader, sleeper, cross-stitcher, photographer. I am Nashelle and on this blog you will see me doing what I love to do best - being me!
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