Yeah, right.

Like anyone would EVER utter those words.

But I feel like I did. Sometime. In a nightmare maybe.


Alright. Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic.

But only a little!

Actually... This blog comes in quite handy tonight when I am in dire need of a good venting session but don't want to. I don't want to complain to anyone or write a negative status on facebook. So instead, I'm venting.

The benefits: No one has to read this that doesn't want to, but I still get to be relieved of negativity.

Win-Win.

So.... Where to begin?

Family: Great!

School: I'm not doing as well as I want to be doing. I know this because I can tell by how I feel in class that I am not prepared for finals week that is coming up. Also. The classes I should be studying most for I am slacking the most in. Go figure, right? Mostly because I can't put in the extra study time I need because I am too busy in other areas of my life. And those classes I should be studying the most for take the most time - which is why I didn't study in the first place. HOLY COW! It's a total cycle of no studying and no time. It's frustrating. But life. Right? And if I don't ace all my classes, that's ok. I just need to keep a pretty average GPA. That's pretty easy. But what happens when that mandatory-pretty average-easy to keep GPA is going to be super hard to even be close to attaining? More hard than it should be? I hate school. That's the result.

Social: Great!

Sub-Social: Curse words up the freaking wazoo. ... Yup ...

Ok. First I should probably define the difference between 'Social' and 'Sub-Social'. 'Social' includes relationships with friends and people in general. 'Sub-Social' refers to activities done with those friends.

What is the reason Sub-Social is so stressful? Oh. Let me just tell you.

I was asked a couple of months ago to be the Stage Manager for the Forgotten Carols at Snow College again. I was last year, and I loved it. I mean, believe it or not, I don't like to be in charge. But when I have to be, I have to be. And honestly, I'm pretty good at it. It was a fantastic learning experience and I loved working with the people and learning about all the awesome things I'm capable of doing. It was amazing.

Well, this year, the director asked me to come back to be the Stage Manager again. I live in Provo and Snow College is in Ephraim. This means it is approximately a one and one-half hour drive to get down to Ephraim. However, my car gets incredible gas mileage, so I wasn't too worried about it. I was excited and ready to go - especially after talking to my parents and friends and receiving their encouragement.

Maybe it was just because it was a rough night, and I mean really REALLY rough night, but I was miserable. I was angry and frustrated and hurt and upset and ready to quit. Not even kidding. One week left of the show and I wanted to walk out. Of course, I would never ever do that. It's not my personality. In fact, it's sometimes proven quite negative that I'm too stubborn to walk away from any thing I've committed myself to. But I knew I wouldn't walk out, but I hugely needed to get some stress and emotion off my chest. I vented to a couple of friends about my situation and the helplessness that I felt. My biggest problem was that I was being blamed and held responsible for things that are out of my control. Literally. I'm not sure if the problem is because I live in Provo or if it's because of the people I'm working with, but I feel very much as though the problems that have risen are not my fault. Therefore I don't want to take responsibility for them and then I get upset when people try to force that responsibility onto me.

*sigh* Needless to say, it was a very long night. I was angry and felt helpless.

Then I was shown just how much I am loved. I talked to some friends who let me vent out my feelings and problems and then helped to me to forget about them and get laughing again. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends. Seriously. I went from an emotional wreck, to someone ready to at least try to face the next day. It was a huge change.

So. Despite the fact that I feel as though I have asked for a second helping of stress and I can't for the life of me remember why, I just want to say: Thank you to my friends. For listening to and loving me. You mean the world to me.

Signing out.
Me.